so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
im holly from the hills drunk
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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