i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
