y did u give ur computer a hand job?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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