There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
