i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
40s are totally the cure
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
A+ Viking dick
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
