i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize