i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
