hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
