just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
