is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Michael Bay diarrhea
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
