I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
