I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
