i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
