He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
