she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
