Pants 0. Shit 1.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
