Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
