well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
