Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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