If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
