Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize