I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
