I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
