I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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