Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
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You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
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Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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