We got so high we made milksteak
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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