I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
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