you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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