Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
