I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
