I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
