You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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