remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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