my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
