So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize
