Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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