bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
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