8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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