This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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