I feel great
I just peed on a car
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
