captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
