Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
