In the future we'll all be gay
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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