Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
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