my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
