my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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