When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
