pedialite and red bull = repair kit
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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