How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
