My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
