Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
how do flat chested girls get laid?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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