I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
