I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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