I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
