Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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