There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
