i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
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You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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