watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
