He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Randomize
