Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I have already put on my inside pants.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
