Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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