saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
