Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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