i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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