oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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