If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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